Nobody

People forget.

Sure they were sad at first when they heard Ryan had passed and thought about his absence for a couple weeks or months at best that he was gone. Perhaps they'd be reminded by some fluke occurrence, some random photograph or song that would transport them into remembering his spirit. And maybe they'd think about it for a little while until their lives returned to their routine.

I sometimes feel like a reminder that Ryan's gone. My mere presence makes people uncomfortable that they have to deal with his death. I'm that reminder that someone who was once here, living life to the fullest, having a fun, making memories, with so much life left to live - is now gone.

I can't blame people for having this reaction. It's unfathomable to imagine how it feels until you're the one feeling it. Till you walk in someones shoes who has lost their soul mate.

I live with reminders everyday. When I wake up in the morning, he's not there. When I curse doing yard work, he's not there. When I need someone to vent to, someone to hold, someone who knows me better than anyone else - he's gone. Gone forever.

All that is left is a big broken heart. One that knows what a great love is and how devastating it is to lose it. I would never wish this loss upon anyone, not even my worst enemies.