Thursday, February 17, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Coming Full Circle
Today I woke up with resolve.
Somedays I have more strength than others to tackle those impossible tasks. The ones that no one ever tell you about - like getting rid of possessions. There's no manual on the rights or wrongs of moving on in life after losing a loved one. You just have to trust your instincts and intutition about timing.
Today was one of those days.
A couple of times I almost didn't do what I had decided to do that morning. But around 5pm, I headed out to Discovery park and took another step in my acceptance. At dusk I scattered a handful of ashes on the perch that overlooks the Puget Sound with the Olympics in the distance.
And I've realized that now is the time to make a list of the places around the world to scatter more ashes. Just as I feel bottled up in the city, stuck at home, I'm sure Ryan does too. It's time to spread those wings and continue to acknowledge the circle of life.
Somedays I have more strength than others to tackle those impossible tasks. The ones that no one ever tell you about - like getting rid of possessions. There's no manual on the rights or wrongs of moving on in life after losing a loved one. You just have to trust your instincts and intutition about timing.
Today was one of those days.
A couple of times I almost didn't do what I had decided to do that morning. But around 5pm, I headed out to Discovery park and took another step in my acceptance. At dusk I scattered a handful of ashes on the perch that overlooks the Puget Sound with the Olympics in the distance.
And I've realized that now is the time to make a list of the places around the world to scatter more ashes. Just as I feel bottled up in the city, stuck at home, I'm sure Ryan does too. It's time to spread those wings and continue to acknowledge the circle of life.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Liberating.
Today I woke up feeling better then I have all week, or month for that matter. It feels like my strength has returned, overnight. My generally chipper attitude is back and I feel so much better that I threw out the rope today. I was going to go through the motions and burn it - my mom's suggestion of doing so in the Weber seemed like the best idea. But rather then go through the motions and anxiety of finding the right time and potentially lighting the backyard willow tree on fire - I just put it in the trash.
I often forget - sometimes the anticipation of doing something or the build up of going through the motions is the hardest part. Take the thought of knowing the 2.5 year mark is coming up - it has been wearing heavy on my heart. At times it even debilitated me to sobbing hysterically on the office floor. But now that the date has come and gone, I feel renewed, energized and ready to tackle a new room. I think I'm ready to paint the living room.
The momentum is building up once again and it feels amazing. I just have to remember next time that when I hit the bottom of the valley floor - another summit awaits me.
I often forget - sometimes the anticipation of doing something or the build up of going through the motions is the hardest part. Take the thought of knowing the 2.5 year mark is coming up - it has been wearing heavy on my heart. At times it even debilitated me to sobbing hysterically on the office floor. But now that the date has come and gone, I feel renewed, energized and ready to tackle a new room. I think I'm ready to paint the living room.
The momentum is building up once again and it feels amazing. I just have to remember next time that when I hit the bottom of the valley floor - another summit awaits me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)