Another one

I've been dreaming a lot of Ryan lately. He's been a visitor so far - mainly in the back ground, but unmistakably there.

Until last night. We were walking around, what I think was Edmonds park. Our arms around one another, walking north. I put my head on his shoulder and got this overwhelming feeling of betrayal - as though I hadn't thought of him in that way in a while. And I told him how sorry I was - thinking how unfair I had been. He didn't say a word but also didn't seem upset. He was just there, holding my head and spirits in tact.

It's been well over a year and there are times when I can't believe that he's gone. Time is starting to pass far too quickly and my quick flashes of how things used to be are fewer and fewer. It's part of the process, I know. But I'm also thankful for every single dream he visits me in, especially one where I can lay my head on his shoulder.