Moving on

I just realized today that I'm that much closer to the acceptance stage.

Granted, I did not arrive here over night and I'm more than likely not going to stay in this stage - but for now, I'm accepting where I am and my feelings as they are.

So much in my life has changed. My ever faithful supporter, companion, best friend, lover, admirer and compassionate husband is gone. He was dealt a wrong deal and his time was up last September. Since then I've been figuring out my life without him here by my side and learning how to continue on.

The steady reminders in the house are still there - but yet I've come to some sort of terms with them and they don't get me down like they used to.

The shift happened this weekend and in turn yesterday. On Friday night I went up to Bellingham with Makiah to visit with Tom and Trish. It was my first solo trip without a friend or companion with me. I walked into their house, used the restroom and found myself unable to go into the kitchen without crying. Trish and I both started sobbing together. And although it was sad, it also felt healing to finally be around someone who was there, that understood. We both held Ryan so dear in our hearts, so close to our souls - that we could cry around each other and it felt right. Merely talking about Ryan and how much we both missed him helped.

The rest of our visit was good - we created new memories and shared some laughs. I left feeling good and happy to see how much progression we've both made. Trish and Tom have an amazing friend support network and it was a relief to see how much loved they are.

Then yesterday, Monday, I went to my doctor for my annual visit. He said he was sorry and then I started bawling my eyes out. Another first. Never in a million years do you think you have to go the doctor for your annual with such a life altering experience. I shed some tears, and then felt better.

What I'm trying to get at - is that I can't believe how far I've come. Thursday will mark 8 months since Ryan passed. Seriously? Wow. 8 months can whirl by far too quickly.