I never really stopped thinking about you. Just some days are easier than others. Some days I'm able to immerse myself in what I'm doing so I shut out the constant ache. But usually I wake up in the mornings and you're the first thing on my mind. This morning I could feel you. I want to have a dream about you so bad - but haven't in months.
I finally built up enough courage today to call the sheriff's department to find out where exactly they located your body. I don't know why that matters so much to me - other than I want to go where you last were. I want to be there. I want to pay tribute to you.
One year is rapidly approaching. One year. I can't believe it.
I find myself struggling with the concept of having the capacity to love someone as much as I loved you. For fear of losing it, I suppose. A rational fear at first but in reality an unrealistic one.
Every time I hear an old song, it transports me to memories I have with you. How at the time I soak in everything that's around me... live in the moment and try to commit it to memory. Boy am I glad I did. I'm afraid of losing those memories. Afraid of forgetting how you smiled or your embrace. But I can't think about it too long - otherwise a flood of tears and a puddle of emotions will come streaming out.
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