Reflection

I had to tell a complete stranger my story today.

And as I told them about what happened in 2008, I couldn't help but think, maybe I'm telling too much? Maybe I shouldn't include this detail or that? Why did I include a certain personal detail, which at this point all feels personal. But yet I didn't want to mask my experience. They could never truly know what it felt like to be me and to go through what I did so I continued on with my story.

I was asked, as I am from time to time, do you think you had time to grieve? And my answer is yes, as much as my body and mind would physically allow me to. But I also realize this process will never be over. I know I will always hold Ryan true to my heart and recognize that I had something so great and amazing - that nothing can ever replace him in my heart.

In telling my story, I also realize that I am more sure of what I want now. I don't fret on the details or smaller things in life but I look at the bigger picture - or at least strive to every day. My desire lies in growing in each day. Taking the lessons that life has to offer and learning from them. Creating and nurturing positive relationships.

A moment of clarity, eyes wide open - the colors outside look brighter. The buds on the trees practically growing before my very eyes. The movement of the water in the canal, the caw of a distant crow. Life keeps spinning and I'm thankful to be a part of it.